Tarantino Story

Ill-Timed Travel

Tracy had never wondered what her friend was like in youth, she was exactly the same just in a different time and place. 

The sharp pungent scent of chlorine and echoed laughter of children set the stage. Normally the gentle whispers of energetic nurses and could be herd, and the screech of a whistle for scampering children. This day was special; it was a day for a show. Three rows: four, three, two, of shinny elastic Pepto-Bismol swim caps.  Each woman adorned with polka-dots and a fake glossy smile. They had trained for months, none of them wanting to, some had given up on health, others on life. The doctor, and overbearing children often win.

Each woman was one nuclear shade of lipstick away from vanishing, what was the point of such theatrics? The Everly Brothers were switched on, and the routine began. Each movement slow and concentrated, pasty, saggy, and with little genuine enthusiasm, the years of wear on each body resulting in perfect synchronization. The splashing was gentle and delicate, like reaching your hand between the barbs of a electric fence to fetch a valuable.   The first chorus went well, splashing and smiling the ladies were having no difficulty faking their enjoyment enough to please the supervision. It was when the ladies had formed a star with wrinkled and slippery hands that Ruth broke away. Great balls of fire, she had left them again and was making a run for it.

“Welcome. Welcome I am so glad you decided to stop by” she said opening her arms wide to Tracy, whose look went from concern to confusion, where had she gone this time? Tracy the ever present friend was always the one to go to the rescue of their friend Ruth. Ruth was the shortest, darkest, and she gave the least gruff about her forced exercise, she knew about her disease but hardly remembered about it. ‘Hopefully it disrupts and entertains enough to give you all a break’ she used to say with a thick Brooklyn accent when the ladies would talk together. Tracy was such a busy-body, ‘that is what you get for having millions of kids, just care care care all the time’ she had herd the other ladies say behind her back. Eventually Ruth would lose all of herself totally, but not just yet.  She really preferred the past to the present anyways, let it come quickly she thought to herself often.

“You know the pool is just one of the many new features our hotel has to offer, if you would follow me this way I can show you to the sauna and the steam rooms too” she explained with a slightly mischievous grin. Just then the final number came on the cheap pink boom-box. The music was muffled from the protective plastic bag and the pool was not known for its acoustics, but Elves Presley was Elves Presley even through a plastic bag. The music changed Ruth, and she stopped mouth agape scraggily pink lipstick, cataract blue eyes, and enough wrinkles to write a story.

 

“I always have a couple of extra minutes for Elvis” she proclaimed and proceeded to dance energetically, splashing with her arms and kicking her legs up as far as they would go.

 

Process:

This is my second DS106 assignment of the section “Tarantino Your Story!” This is my story, and I just followed the directions and put the last sentence at the beginning, I wonder if you all can tell? This is from the Writing section, one of my favorites, so I am sad to see it go~ I hope you enjoy the story, let me know what you think. I re-did some of the sentences you can see them in purple, I hope it affords clarification. Also I added some pictures, because everyone loves pictures and I think it helps capture the reminiscent feeling that I am going for. Did I go overboard with the pictures?? Let me know~

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5 thoughts on “Tarantino Story

  1. I like the effect. It almost makes the story circular to begin with the final sentence.

    I was also wondering where the link to the assignment woud be. It was a pleasant surprise to find it at the end instead of at the beginning.

    There were a few sentences that were hard to make sense of. Might want re-read and see if there is anything that could be revised.

    • What parts are confusing? It is hard to see the unclear parts, because it is too close for me to see. What parts are muddled? Thanks for the honest critique, its always helpful

  2. This sentence from the second paragraph, for example, was difficult for me to make sense of:

    Tracy, went to collect her like, she was such a busy-body that Tracy that is what you get for having millions of kids, just care care care all the time.

    Syntax and grammar issues make a tough one to figure out. One of the rules I remember having hammered into my head is that a single comma should never come between a subject and a verb. Also, not sure who exactly the busy-body is from the sentence. And I’m assuming the italics refers to an interior monolog but the two instances of the word that on either side of the word Tracy confounds me.

    There are similar sentences. But I’m an old-skool enough sort of teacher to think that revision is the writer’s duty not the reader’s.

  3. Pingback: Remix #1 (Haiku it up! [remixed]: What’s The Prequel?) | andrewjohnsonct101

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